Commando Rations

Once a Commando kid reaches a certain age and rank, it becomes clear the importance of selecting the proper fuel sources to power the Commando through a day filled with physical training, artillery inspections, and naptime avoidance drills.

Sugar, candy, and sucrose are by far the three most important high-burning energy sources available, with peanut butter and hot dogs following along behind (hot dogs just taste good and give a Commando access to ketchup, which is a great small munition and full of sugar, too).

Unfortunately, the Mom tends to ration the grade A fuel, and at times it seems the cagey Commander might even be saving some for herself to power herself through long nights of clearing away the casualties of military drills: highly camouflaged fatigues, plush comrades sacrificed in air raids, and small munitions control.

There are several ways that a Commando can improve access to the snack food cache:

1. Accompany the Commander on restocking missions. To get more sugar, it helps to go straight to the source—the grocery store. Once in the store, commence whining drills and she’ll give you at least one pick of snack, and perhaps even let you open it in the store. Of course, the more you whine, the more snacks you’ll get—up to a point. There’s always the danger of the mission being aborted it the Commando pushes too hard. Note: If a Commando accompanies Dad on such a mission, whining won’t be necessary—just point and grunt.
2. Eat a vegetable at dinner. Sounds counter to the mission, but eating a vegetable opens the door for Commando rationale, i.e. “I ate one of my green beans, so I can have dessert, right?” The Commander will be so confused that her young charge ate something green voluntarily, the logic will make sense.
3. Reach for the stars—settle for a moon pie. While it’s true that a Commando can’t get everything and win every battle, (sad, sad, but true) artful compromise can be achieved by aiming high—say, demanding that Mom go out and buy a Happy Meal, or else you’ll truly starve to death. Though she likely won’t go out at 9 p.m. to buy the Happy Meal, she will likely offer you everything else under the sun to ensure that you don’t starve to death (especially if you can manage to throw in a little hyperventilation).
4. Turn on the charm. The Commander can’t resist a sweet face telling her what a pretty mommy she is, even if she’s usually a tough-as-nails drill seargent. Commandos, though vigorous, can master the finer points of getting what they want with finesse. 
   
5. Go ballistic. Where reasoning sometimes fails, sometimes acting out wins. If there’s one thing the Commando knows, it’s how to get noticed and how to keep Mom from getting anything done until the object of desire is obtained. Is this blackmail? Maybe, but then again, is it “right” for Mom to bribe the Commando with candy for a little time off with good behavior? It’s a moral tradeoff.

Remember, there are few limits to what a human being can do to survive, and even fewer limits to what a Commando can do to get candy to fuel new missions with energy to spare.

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