Distract and conquer

Just as professional athletes, teachers, and dogs begin their days with a game plan, so too must the Commando Kid prepare for each day with a goal in mind. In general, in the absence of more important considerations, such as going to the park for field maneuvers or going shopping for Commando rations, a prime goal of the Commando is to do as much as you can, and do it as often as you can. This is best accomplished without a master drill sergeant breathing down your cute little neck with her sixth sense.

A key strategy, then, is distraction.

Distraction is one of the best strategies for doing more, and if done well, distraction can make Mom doubt her own ability to run the camp. She might even stop worrying so much about children putting things in their proper place when she can’t keep track of her own things.

One of the most proven methods for distracting Mom to enable execution of unencumbered Commando maneuvers is hiding some small thing, so Mom is forced to look for it—preferably for a long time—before she can concentrate enough to notice the open peanut butter jar and trail of bread crumbs leading up to your room, or the open back gate, out of which the camp mascot has gone AWOL (not through any fault of yours—the dog knows the rules).

The three most effective items to hide to shake the infrastructure of the camp and buy time are as follows:

3. Shoes. Some children hide just one shoe—amateurs. Hiding one shoe leads Mom to believe someone hid her shoe, while hiding both gives her cause to wonder how she misplaced them, and she cannot leave home without them, therefore, she can’t really concentrate without them. Drawback:if your Mom is like other Moms, she has more than one pair. Watch carefully, and learn which shoes to hide based on Mom’s uniform. Sweats? Hide the tennis shoes. Black skirt? Hide the black clicky shoes that you like to dress up in (what—even Commandos need a little fun!) and if

2. Purse. A Mom needs her purse like a Commando needs sugar. It contains everything she would need should the world come to an end…in fact, a cagey Commando can commandeer that purse and go through its contents in short order, searching for stray candies, confiscated toys, and lipstick for camouflage maneuvers. Just be sure not to leave a trail of treasures as you cart the purse off to the last place Mom would think to look. The key, again, is to not raise suspicion, or you might end up in the brig instead of in control. And speaking of keys…

1. Keys. Keys are the easiest, fastest things to hide, and without them, Mom will not leave. She’ll go section 8. She will look high, she will look low, she will look in places she would never in a million years have put her keys, and if the house is on fire, she won’t notice because she’s busy looking for her purse, in order to look through it for her keys (insert Commando smile here).



Once the mission is accomplished, commend yourself, Commando. Commence exploration, get yourself some peanut butter, or even dress up in the clicky shoes—Mom won’t need them for a while.