The Commando Cold

Despite a Commando Kid’s valiant efforts to outrun everything, sometimes a cold will catch up with him, and his nose will give him a run for his money. Such an occasion will cause grumpiness, barking commands, and extra latrine duty, but the Commando should not worry—Mom will feel better as soon as every single germ is eradicated from base camp.

A Commando’s first line of defense is, of course, to deny any illness. Illness is a serious impediment to doing more and doing it more often. The Commando must execute daily drills like running, jumping, performing aerial acrobatic moves, and building ramps and digging in the yard, not resting in bed and reading books and having "quiet time."

Not only does illness bring such unwanted activity restrictions, but also, because of her zeal to run a healthy ship and avoid the dreaded doctor’s visit, the slightest sniffle causes the Commando Mom to attempt to insert thermometers, weird tasting chewy grape things, and tissues into places where the Commando Kid knows they do not belong.

The Commando shall commence tissue evasion maneuvers immediately, sucking it up, moving the head rapidly from side to side and, if all else fails, wiping the nose on Mom’s sleeve before she can wipe it with the dreaded tissue. For any stray detritus Mom misses, the world is the Commando’s tissue, so long as Mom’s not looking.

To be avoided at all costs: the bulb-style nose sucker. Mom will try to impale the Commando’s nostrils with this device of torture, but the Commando need only cry at the thought of it to render it a useless exercise anyway.





The Commando must also resist oral medications, chewable or liquid, if at all possible, even if they actually taste good. This is a matter of principle more than practicality—the Commando can exert true control over precious little at base camp, except what goes in and what comes out.

When and if the illness can no longer be denied, however, and the Commando is confined to bed duty, he should attempt to view the unwanted restrictions from an opportunity perspective.

For example, Moms are well-known for seriously limiting screen time, but even Mom knows that the best way to distract a fussy Commando so she can continue with at least a few normal duties, is to institute a movie marathon mission or unregulated computer-game time. If she happens to resist, still clinging to the notion that she can avoid the inevitable, the Commando is encouraged to enter full-throttle whine mode, which is made easier by the fact that he feels whiny anyway (but he is not sick!).

It’s also a good time to ask for ice cream, pudding, toys, anything the Commando wants. Illness is about the only time a Mom will wait on a Commando hand and foot in the hopes of keeping him still for more than five minutes to rest.

In the event that this works, the smart Commando will take full advantage, and pretend to feel sick (even though he definitely is not sick!), thereby suspending all regulations regarding bodily functions, table manners, and t.v. limits.