Commando R&R

Serious Commando Kids know the value of letting their hair down year round. They can be found running around home base in geometrical configurations, playing imaginary superhero games, and removing all objects from the shelves, following with vigor the theory of deconstructionism.*
But when summer vacation rolls around and preschool lets out, followed by shouts of joy from the Commando’s teachers, that’s when the real R&R--Running & Rabblerousing—begins.

In those last few days of blissful preschool, the Commander might have taken one little bubble bath, and in the midst of shoving toy boats and submarines out of the way, entertained a momentary notion of a peaceful and relaxing summer by the poolside, watching her robust angel bob gently up and down in the kiddie pool.

If so, she forgot Commando rule number one for water rotations—if it splashes, splash it on Mom.

For the better part of three months, a Commando Mom plays lifeguard and moving target for marine exercises, marked by brief breaks to refuel summer Commandos, who literally grow like weeds when exposed to sun, water, and dirt.

There is, in fact, about a two-hour window between the time a platoon of Commandos barrels through the preschool graduation procession and Commando Moms find religion. You can hear them in every park and McDonald’s PlayPlace, praying for school to begin again soon.

After finding religion, the Commander struggles to keep herself from taking up swearing link a sailor, then works on staying off the bottle at the end each a long day in the surf and sun.

She bravely faces stretch marks and swimsuits to keep her active Commando occupied at pool and beach, and makes enough peanut butter sandwiches and carrot sticks each day to feed her Army of one each day.

In the end, she reminds herself, school, discipline, and a few hours of peace and quiet at work will return the barracks to the normal chaos that a base camp thrives on, in lieu of the summer freefall and sticky chicken fingers of R&R.

*See the not-yet-published field guide, Bootcamp for Babies, for an advanced explanation of the Theory of Deconstructionism